Written by David Hatz, Retired Teacher and Coach

 

         Graduation is fast approaching, although maybe not fast enough for the Class of 2021.
Four outstanding seniors were recently selected to address the graduates in ceremonies that
will be a bit different from past years. But, unlike the class of 2020, at least this year’s grads will
have the opportunity to walk and receive their diplomas.The speakers are Diana Flores Valdivia (valedictorian, Cornell), Melissa Rodriguez Martinez
(salutatorian, UCSD), Valeria Rodriguez (Southwestern/UCLA transfer alliance program), and
Michelle Zeng (UCLA).
         I had the privilege of working with all four to help them edit/tweak their speeches. But,
quite honestly, there wasn’t much me to change – a word here, a phrase there, maybe add
“this,” or perhaps delete “that.”
         It was obvious all four spent a lot of time preparing. I was definitely impressed, but not
surprised because all four were students of mine in AP English Language and Composition last
year. And, make no mistake, they were outstanding students, outstanding writers, and a
pleasure to have in class.
         If I could have had a roomful of them in every class, I would have taught for free. OK, that’s a
bit hyperbolic. But you know what I mean.
         In case you haven’t heard, there will be three live graduation ceremonies (alphabetically) on
Tuesday, June 2, in the stadium to allow for social distancing. There will also be a virtual
ceremony for those who are uncomfortable or unable to attend.


Musical Wordplay

 

         Since previous blogs have included some math and science humor, I figured it is time to have
some fun with our musicians. Although I don’t believe you need to be musically astute to enjoy
the following puns.
         I hope you don’t think I’m out of tune (or touch) for presenting the following:


         1. What is Beethoven doing now? Decomposing.
         2. Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
         3. What do you call a musician with problems? A trebled man.
         4. What’s the difference between a musician and an 18-inch pizza? An 18-inch pizza can
         feed a family of four.
         5. What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
         6. How can you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to
         stop scratching.
         7. Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer? He was Haydn.
         8. How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drumsticks.
         9. What is the musical part of a snake? The scales.
         10. My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn’t
         even matter.
         11. Mr. Williams told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar. I asked, “Is that
         a fret?”

         12. What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is happy when the case is
         closed.
         13. What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit? BA-NA-NA-NAAAAA!
         14. How are trumpets like pirates? They both murder in the high C’s.
         15. Musicians? Oh yeah, we think outside the Bachs.
         16. Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? Because he was shredding the floor.
         17. C, E-flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender points to the door and says, “Sorry, we
         don’t serve minors.”


         Thanks, or not, to Juliet Lanka (60 Corny Music Puns That are Completely Hilarious) for these
contributions.


Musical Wordplay, Part 2

 

         Having taken piano lessons as a youngster and self-taught on the guitar, I didn’t have to
work “real jobs” for money during my high school and college years. Instead, I played a variety
of gigs with various garage bands.
         One time I bought our bass player a “get better soon” card. He wasn’t sick. I just thought he
could get a lot better.


Coda


         Among the SCPA’s many outstanding programs are the band and orchestra. And I hear they
are about to get even better. My sources tell me that CVH will welcome two incredible
freshmen in July who are certain to complement both groups.
         They are (drum roll) … Claire Annette and Amanda Lynn.
         Rim shot and cymbal crash, please. I’ll see myself out.
         Until next time, write on!

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